I’ve spent a great
deal of time over the past couple of weeks (*months*) trying to figure out what
makes me happy, and what I should be doing with my life. I still don’t know
what I want to do when I grow up, and I’m almost 32!!
Anyway, one thing
I’ve discovered about myself is that I have this huge dichotomy in my
self-image that is really holding me back. One the one hand, I think I’m one of
the most super-intelligent people on the planet, mainly due to my IQ of 174 and
my amazing GCSE results – so basically that belief goes back to the age of 16!
Fair enough, but on the other hand I’m plagued by the feeling that I’m just not
good enough, and I don’t know enough. I’m a terrible friend, wife and mother –
or so my inner voice tells me on a regular basis. Why would anyone want to
listen to my opinions, let alone pay me for my writing?!
That sounds
ridiculous when I think about it rationally. I’ve certainly spent enough hours
learning and practicing copywriting to be able to do it well, and I’m a fantastically
loving mum to my little boy – hence the reason he screamed so much when I left
him in crèche this morning L
Deep down, I know
at least as much about copywriting as most of the people out there making a
living from it, and I’m learning more all the time. Just this morning, I
watched an online seminar by Heather Lloyd-Martin, of SEO copywriting fame.
That taught me even more about key-phrase research and increasing conversion
rates through the use of better titles. I know I could definitely add a lot of
value to clients’ webpages. Now I just need to find some clients! J
Back to my earlier
question: how do I find out what makes me happy? I guess the things I do when
I’m not forced to do them could be contenders. In that case, I’ve just answered
my own question. I’ve spent most of my Easter holiday learning about
copywriting – when I could have been doing anything with my time. But if that’s what makes me happy, then why
do I feel so overwhelmed at the thought of committing to it?
Mind you, I did
spend quite a bit of time playing online
poker too, so maybe I should become a full-time poker player instead...?
That’d probably be a riskier way of making a living, but it’s one I would
seriously think about if I didn’t have a family to support, and if I was 10
years younger!!!
Maybe another way
of looking at it would be to think about how I’d spend my time if I knew the
world was going to end this year? It is 2012, after all. Personally, I don’t think
that helps – if the world’s going to end tomorrow, I’m running around panicking
and screaming like a lunatic, “I’m too young to die!!!”
The moral here is
that we shouldn’t really worry about what we’re going to be when we grow up –
it’s all pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of the universe anyway. Just have
a good time, do what makes you happy, and try to make others happy along the
way. Oh, and if you can, make a lot of money doing it.
If you have any
better ideas about how to find meaning in life, please let me
know by leaving a comment, I’d be really interested to hear your views.
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